Race to the Exit!

Phew, what a life! It's been too too long since I've written. Cant say I missed it, though ;). Anyway, I watched this movie called Race today. It being my first movie in 2008, I had some expectations, which, I suppose, is the reason I was so disgusted with it.
Some hallmarks: A hell lot of twisted tomfoolery, involving a lot of Bipasha Basu's skin, throw in some of Saif Ali Khan's too (no complaints there!) and a hundred million bucks; what currency, I didnt notice, and a lot of neck (rather, lack thereof) belonging to Akshaye Khanna. Gosh, having so much flesh around the neck, of all places certainly doesnt help in making suave dance moves!
Okay so here's the deal. Saif and Akshaye are brothers, bada bhai Saif supposedly in love with his 'kid' brother, who's predictably a spoilt drunkard. The girls are Bipasha and Katrina. Don't ask for names, they'll spoil the fun. Ok so Katrina is Saif's secretary, and Bipasha's his girlfriend. Now one guy can't have all the girls, so chota bhai enters and happily flirts with Bipasha, and they fall in love and all that, to the innocent viewer, but you know, humans can get so greedy and all that, so all this was actually just 'natak' by chotu to kill off bhaiyya for his insurance, and these two get married, according to the plan, of course. Now how dyou kill your brother? Send your wife to sleep with him, accuse him of the same, threaten to jump off, but send him over the top, instead. Simple enough, eh. But then you cant trust your wife to keep her big mouth shut. So bhaiyya actually knows of the plan and lets dear chotu get on with it. So then we expect wifey to push bad hubby off the parapet, but who knew, 20 million bucks can cloud ones eyes and wifey ends up pushing bhaiyya. Bhaiyya dies, brother cries, inky pinky ponky!
Enter Anil Kapoor and his irritating assistant, Sameera Reddy. Bollywood in 2008 has introduced another attitude in its ladies.. acknowledge the guy's brains, all the while looking like a dodo in a mini skirt. So Inspector Anil pokes his abnormally large nose around town and digs up dirt on chotu, now rich, infamous and mourning. Re-enter secretary Katrina who claims to have married Saifu and was just about to inform everyone about the happy proceeding, when the unspeakable happens. So some more mourning and shouting and accusing. And smelling rodents all over by smart alec Anil.
Now chotu's in a fix, his brother'd got himself married before conking off so another innocent life stands opaque in front of his cash. But chote miya is smart, he's actually planned everything with secy and wifey was only being used, if I may be so candid. Yeah that's right. Change of names in team B: chotu and secy. Team A you ask? Saifu and wifey(Bipasha) of course. Just how did you expect Saif to actually be dead???? Shame on you!!
So, actually, Saif isn't dead. He saves Bipasha from being killed off by a rich Team B (they actually buy smart alec Anil, who does some dumb natak just to keep the viewer guessing at every darned thing, to get his 25 million), dramatically, as in the (g)oldies. Abhi, face off between Bhaiyya and chotu. Who wins? whoever wins a race, of course. Now some more wickedness from chotu earns him a nice fiery coffin, wo bhi he has to share it with his partner in crime. In case u were thinking that he'd kill her off too to keep all the cash to himself, you're getting in the groove, I must say.
Now everyone's curious, how did smart smart bhaiyya survive the fall from the parapet? Simple, buy the police, get some riggings done, and a fake dead body to stage your own death. So team A, plus 'beimaan' police wala and dumb assistant get rich and live happily ever after!
Writing this was really fun!! So should I watch another sad sad movie or not? ;)