Relief

What i wouldnt do to get some of it. This year has been chock full of ups and downs, and most of them have been downs. Fate clearly had plans to bury some part of me it didn't want me to have. Or i'm just blaming fate out of my own weakness, too cowardly to admit that it really is all my fault.
What hurts is that nothing that has happened is fair. Even the Up part of the year happened by pure chance. As i sit here brooding about it, something i had decided i wouldn't do once i'd got over the whole thing, one after the other, i realise that i've looked at each event in every different way possible. And though some of those ways have helped me get out of the neural mess, none of them sounded fair. Does that mean I should never expect anything to be fair at all? Do i just take whatever happens in my stride and live with it? Or do i shout out that it's all unfair, and get back at the people concerned? But that would make me a jerk, not being sportive and caring only about ego. So where does that put me? What category do i belong to? Now if you're thinking of telling me not to bother about what others think, this is all from my own head. I'd categorize myself. Now you think, two hoots! just dont think!? I'm raising an eyebrow: is that even possible. Frankly, wouldn't one bury oneself in introspection when one's had a bad day?
Maybe i really shouldnt think about anything, perhaps pack a rucksack and get out of the city for a while, which isn't possible without begging for permission and answering a million questions, which would anyway replace any loss of headache the end result might grant.

So what do i do to get some relief?
where do i go to fix my head?
if i could scream, and that's a big If.
i'd be shouting what i just said
And you'd be bored, the neighbours would crash door
and that would only help to wind me up some more.

Really sorry about that; if u'd care for the rhymes, thanks!